Cracked
by hiddleston-mania
Summary: There were years spent away from happiness; he was a creature shrouded in darkness, dwelling where only the evil decide to lurk. He enjoyed it, reveling in the power that it brought him, and he ignored the fact that the power ate away at him, until he was an empty shell, a man with nothing in his hands or soul.
**Legit, this is fluff. Like utter fluff. And Kylo Ren is OOC, because this is post-Sith for the most part.**

 **I hope you like sweet, because that's what you're getting.**

 **-Hiddles**

 **DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine. All rights belong to those who have the money to own them.**

* * *

 _"There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."_

 _-Leonard Cohen_

He lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. The ocean breeze flows in through the window, smelling of salt and pine trees, and he hears the sound of laughter from outside, where the sun shines high in the sky. He hears the giggles of fun and wonder, and he blinks, wondering if he is imagining the sound.

There were years spent away from happiness; he was a creature shrouded in darkness, dwelling where only the evil decide to lurk. He enjoyed it, reveling in the power that it brought him, and he ignored the fact that the power ate away at him, until he was an empty shell, a man with nothing in his hands or soul. But then he met a woman with quiet blue eyes and a fiery love for those she cared about. There was a crack in his soul, and suddenly what he wanted - what he thought he wanted - didn't matter. What mattered was exploring what lied beyond the crack, even if it took him months for himself to figure it out.

He supposes that crack is what brought him to this moment, lying in the bed that he shared with the blue-eyed woman - his wife now, who shared a name with him. That laughter he hears is that of his children, one girl and one boy. The boy is older, but the girl matches him in wits. They both look like him, something that he finds he can't think about too much. He knows Rey loves that she sees him in their children, she said as much when she held them in her arms for the first time. He lets her love it. He just lets himself love his children.

Before he can allow himself another thought, the door to the bedroom opens softly, and he turns to see her, beautiful despite their years together, padding into their room. Her hair is loose around her face, longer than it was when they first met, and her eyes are quiet as they settle on him lying in their bed.

"I didn't think you were awake," she says as she closes the door behind her. She walks towards him and touches his bare chest with a familiarity that makes his heart hurt, and the darkness in his mind laughs at him.

 _How weak you've become..._

He doesn't let the thought linger long, too focused on the fact that her hands are cold and her lips are curled into a smile, one he recognizes as the special one she only uses for him or their children.

"I've been awake for a while," he replies, placing his hand on hers. She's sitting on the bed next to him, leaning gently on his chest, acting as if she rests her full weight on him that he will break. Her cautiousness makes him smile crookedly, and she blushes in spite of herself. Even thirteen years of marriage doesn't make that blush stop appearing.

"Did we wake you?" she asks as she gets up, letting go of his hand to go look out the window and check up on their children. "I told them to be quiet for you."

He laughs, and he suddenly forgets about the dark thought that told him he was weak. "Our children will do as they please." He gets up, suddenly tired of lying down, and grabs one of his shirts from the floor.

"Let me just say that they got that from you," she says absently, still looking out the window.

"One of many things," he agrees, going to her as he pulls on his shirt. He stops a few feet short, gazing at this woman who is now enveloped in sunlight. Her body changed since he first met her, grown softer and curvier from childbirth. She stands taller, and her breasts are bigger. Her voice is quieter, less brash and uncaring.

He thinks about how motherhood has changed her, more so than loving him.

Their love was a process, something that was not instantaneous - for her at least.

* * *

He joined the Resistance four months after killing Han Solo. He had no explanation for his mother, other than the fact that he was tired of the dark. Leia slapped him, hard enough to leave a red hand print on his face, and he endured it, knowing he deserved it.

Rey saw his arrival, witnessed the slap, and watched him with weary eyes for months after his "unbelievable" return. Luke milked the situation for everything it was worth, rallying the Resistance with the fact that light had reached Kylo Ren and brought him back to his family; he did not correct his uncle, content with keeping his reason for returning private.

His mother figured it out first.

He kept his distance, watching from the shadows as Rey learned the ways of the Force and began to make friends among those in the Resistance. He was far away enough to not peak any interest, but close enough to see her and hear her conversation. He was lovesick before even understanding what happened, but it was his jealousy of Poe Dameron that helped Leia figure out his affection for Rey.

Poe Dameron was in love with Rey; he could see it on the pilot's face whenever Rey would talk to him. He was with the Resistance for seven months at that point, talking to Rey a grand total of ten times while being there. People stopped gawking at him when he walked by, and he stopped wearing all black, opting for grays and tans. People thought his change of wardrobe was due to the fact that he was no longer Sith, but in reality he was gearing himself up to pursue Rey, who began to smile at him when she saw him.

He sat at a table alone, eating rations while observing Rey wrestle with Poe, who was smiling widely at her. Jealousy colored his eyes as he watched the pair grapple, and he clenched in his fist on his thigh when his mother sat down next to him, following his eyes to Rey's position atop Poe.

"You should talk to her," Leia said calmly, looking back to her food, "instead of just staring at her."

He sat, silent and still, for a moment, watching his mother take a bite of food. "What are you saying?"

"I am saying," she said, meeting his eyes with mild amusement, "that I know you like the girl, so go talk to her."

He scoffed quietly. "You would trust me with the little savior of the Resistance?" he asked. Rey was the inspiration of the Resistance, the true image of overcoming evil and reaching full potential.

 _If only they knew she is the reason Kylo Ren decided to join the Light_.

"I trust her to know how to handle whatever comes at her," his mother said simply. Leia returned to her food and didn't look back at him again.

Ben Solo continued to watch Rey, but he did so now with a smile.

* * *

"Ben?" she calls, and he finds himself back at the window with his wife, who looks at him in concern. "Are you...?"

Her question lingers in the air, but he does not mind. He has moments where he recedes into himself, a habit that he cannot shake, and it scares Rey because she does not know who she will be receiving when he returns.

He smiles at her, and she relaxes, going to him before hugging him. He wraps his arms around her gratefully; she is his wife, but every touch is a treasure, a gift from the Force and the Light. Each hug feels like the first time, and he hopes that the feeling never goes away.

* * *

Poe Dameron died. Not in a battle in space, or even in a blaster fight. He died of a disease that the Empire releases to kill of Resistance troops, a desperate ploy at biological warfare.

Rey was devastated; he can see it in her face at Poe's funeral. He stood by her, holding her hand, because they were friends now, after months of his awkward conversations and her distrustful but encouraging responses. He felt bad for her, knowing that she was borderline in-love with Poe, knowing that if Poe hadn't died, she would have married him.

He actually wasn't glad to see Poe's death; he surprised himself when he finds himself regretting not making peace with the pilot who was his childhood friend. It was a strange feeling, having emotions that weren't selfish or egotistical, and he even let himself mourn when he was alone in his room after the funeral.

Rey wasn't the same after that, and he worried that she let darkness into her heart. He sat with her at lunch now, because Poe wasn't there to. In those following months, he talked more than he ever had in his entire life; she didn't respond for the first couple months, but he kept at it, despite his fears that he wasn't helping.

His relationship with his mother repaired slightly during his year with the Resistance. He made an effort to try being Leia's son, no longer calling her by her name but by "mother" because she smiled whenever he said it. He shared his worries for Rey with his mother one evening, stating it awkwardly as he gulped down tea.

His mother had smiled at him after he spoke, and he frowned at her.

She held up her hand when he tried to speak and said, "Do not worry, my son; you're helping."

It took Rey months of his conversations to start responding to them. It was a snowball effect after that; once she started talking, she didn't stop. Finn was relieved and grateful for her recovery. The soldier went as far as to shake his hand in gratitude, but he shrugged it off, replying it was the least he could do.

Finn looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but he did not ask anymore questions.

Later that month, while at lunch, Rey decided to sit with Finn, and Ben took his customary seat next to his mother, preparing unhappily for another repeat of watching Rey from afar. When he looked up, scanning the crowd for her, he found that his eyes were not the only searching ones.

Rey had her eyes trained on his, and when he met her eyes, she smiled widely.

That had been the beginning.

From there, he slowly put down his walls. Rey started to ask her own questions, smiled more at him, and went as far as to hold his hand from time to time. He still did not allow himself to hope, because hope was too good to hold onto just yet, but the lightness in his chest was too large to ignore whenever she gave him any sort of attention. Fearful of pushing her away, Ben Solo shared himself with her, even Kylo Ren, who, at that point, still existed in his heart.

She took each fact in stride, and they slowly built an idea of each other, one that they could each handle.

When he kissed her almost a year after Poe's death, she did not pull away. Instead, she kissed him back, and later that night they were together in his bed, naked and sweating. He opened his mouth to ask her if she regretted it when she said, "I love you."

He never slept alone after that, and her love was something that he never took for granted.

* * *

She pulls away first, but he isn't alarmed. Their children call their names, and that is the most important thing. Ben Solo no longer lives in a world where it is only him and Rey, and his love for his children reaffirm the fact that he doesn't care.

His son comes running in first, gangling and looking more and more like a man each day. Poe is twelve-years-old, but he is carefree and happy. He has Rey's happy personality and acts scarily like the man for which he is named. His dark hair is mussed and unruly, and his blue eyes sparkle with mischief.

Mira is close behind her brother, a streak of black curls and pale, freckled skin. She is a small thing, petite and thin, but her brown eyes have a quiet, undeniable intelligence to them that makes up for her slightness. Her hair is much darker than her brother's, and it shines like ebony around her shoulders.

His daughter is strikingly beautiful, but that fact doesn't scare Ben Solo as much as the fact that Mira has a darkness to her, an intensity to her that Poe lacks. He is scared for her, scared that his daughter will lose herself like he did, but Rey calms his fears. Mira does too, because she is more aware of his past than Poe is. She takes life with a calculating stride and stays away from the shadows of the forest that surrounds their house. Sometimes, she comes, sits in his lap, and asks him questions that no eight-year-old should be thinking about, but Ben never denies her answers.

"It's better for you to know the truth than to wonder about the unknown," he told her one night when she asked him to explain the scar on his face. Mira looked at him with her dark eyes, and Ben was overwhelmed with fatherly affection when she nestled her face against his chest.

"I beat you, Mira!" Poe says excitedly, smiling triumphantly at his sister before striding up to Rey and Ben.

Rey shakes her head. "Poe, sometimes I cannot remember if you're twelve or two," she says as she puts her arm around their son's shoulders. Ben watches them with a smile, thinking back when he could hold his son in his arms, and now, Poe stands just inches shorter than Rey.

His wife and son walk out of the room, Rey throwing him a quiet smile over her shoulder, and Mira comes up to him, her dark eyes watching the exchange.

"You and Mum are in love," she says quietly, her small voice matter-of-fact.

Ben laughs, picking up his daughter and walking towards the door. He kisses her cheeks, before replying, "Yes, Mira, I am."

* * *

Sometimes Ben cannot believe the life he has; he thinks he is going to wake up as Kylo Ren, in a dark, black metal room, with Snoke's presence in his mind. When he wakes up in the middle of the night - he still does, despite the fact the war ended fifteen years ago - he walks down the halls and peaks into his children's room, reassuring himself that he has hallucinated his happiness. When he returns to bed, Rey is there with sleepy eyes and reaching hands. When he lies back down, she turns to face him and lies her head on his chest.

"I love you," she whispers sleepily.

He smiles and closes his eyes, his hand finding hers.

"I love you too."

He survived the Dark, but he _lives_ in the Light. Rey cracked his soul open to a world that he left, but Ben Solo would have it no other way. He falls asleep, his house full of his family, and the smile on his face doesn't leave when he falls asleep.

* * *

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